Sunday, May 07, 2006

Mash-ups are like, so 2001

I know they are.
It's certainly no Message to ODB, but I reckon this works pretty well - and I bodged it together without really knowing what I was doing- and using Acoustica, which I don't think is the tool of choice for the discerning bootlegger.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present

Top Cat Vs Frankie Knuckles - Request The Love

Comments welcome!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Summer is a-coming in

..and winter's gone a way - o.

It now May - I can totally see why the pagans made such a big deal of this particular change of season. Everythings covered in blossom, there are flowers in the garden, it's light until late and I'm feeling the irrestistible urge to wear a mask of a rabbits face and burn a slightly uptight policeman in a giant wicker man.

I was glad to find some Maypole action on Sunday - Mad props to The Secret Garden Party for their mayfayre in the garden at Callaghans. I've never seen a day/night in Cardiff so rammed, I'm afraid I got frozen out during an Ill-advised offie run (the queue at the bar was in excess of an hour) so I missed the end. I also heard 'Summer Breeze' played out for the first time which, combined with hearing 'Summertime' on the radio earlier that morning serves as the perfect indicator that summer is officially 'A-coming in'.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Artes Mundi

I have an idea for an art project. If you promise not to steal it, I'll tell you what I'm going to do one day.

I'm going to make a man out of glass, full size. Then proceed to fill him with all the water, salts, fats, amino acids etc that make up an average person (I knew that degree in Biochemistry would come in handy) then I'm gonna stick the whole thing on some kind of automated stirrer and let the whole mess slop about for as long as anyone wants to look at it. Do you see? It makes you ponder the fact that you are no different to this glass jar full of gloop, except for that your gloop is arranged slightly differently - deep eh? Anyway - I'm watching you Hurst - don't bother. I mean it.

With this in mind, and wanting to size up the opposition, this afternoon I sloped away from my desk and went and had a look around the Artes Mundi exhibition at the National Museum in Cardiff, where people who've had their own outlandish ideas financed and indulged compete for a fabulous cash prize of forty grand.

The exhibition is great, and well worth a visit (I think its here until 7th May) Eija-Liisa Ahtila won the prize, and rightly so I reckon. I also liked Thomas Demand's pictures and Leandro Erlich's bit by the entrance, which is ace, but kind of makes you feel like you shouldn't be walking straight through it towards a dead end, which is probably his intention.

The best room in the exhibition though is not any of the seven installations though, its a room where you are encouraged to write your comments on a bit of paper, then stick them to an orange wall using an Ikea pencil (I assume this is cool with Ikea, and that they supplied the pencils for this purpose, although I do know someone who once stole 150 pencils on a trip around said Swedish home furnishing store, so perhaps they sent him down with some really baggy trousers).

This is good for two reasons. Firstly, only bored kids and outraged pensioners bother to write anything, and they both tend to be brutally honest. Here are my seven faves.



1. Ab Fab




















2. Rubbish




















3. Dripping with shit




















4. Better than IKEA




















5. Jolly Good
The only person who saw fit to include their occupation with their comment.

And not any kind of Geologist, no siree. He's a famous geologist.















6. NOT!




















7. Boringest day of my life
This is my fave.
Mainly due to the word boringest, the re-iteration of 'Thanks for nothing' and the extra large BYE.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

All Ears

Yet another 'kick yourself that you didn't think of it first' moment.

Micheal Holden's "All Ears" in the Guardian Guide. The premise is a simple one. You spend a week evesdropping, then you write down the funniest things you hear, and get paid for it. Sounds so simple (and profitable), especially when you've sussed out a few quality spots (I reckon the average evening in The Park Vaults would provide enough material for about six months of Micheal Holden's column).

Suddenly it would become your job to sit on your own in pubs and cafes, pretending to read a newspaper while your ears scour the room for converstation and I can't think of anything I'd rather do for a living than that. And if all else fails, you can just nick stuff of the websites that have been doing this kind of stuff for ages (Overheard in New York, anyone?).

The Akash Tandoori, Late on a Saturday night - Two men are dining
Man 1 - 'You know I'm not a violent man'
Man 2 - 'You're not, no'
Man 1 - 'But if she walked in here, now, I'd smash her fucking head in'

Greasy Spoon - Bridgend
Man 1 - 'How fast can you peel a carrot?'
Man 2 - 'um, I dunno'
Man 1 - 'I can peel it, and eat it in ten seconds'

NB - these same two men were also observed (by my Dad) discussing the death of Princess Diana. They seemed to be under the impression that rather than the papparazzi being responsibe for Queen of Hearts' untimely demise, it was the Italian opera singer Pavarotti that chased her down the tunnel. One man remarked that he'd like to 'Get that Pavarotti and mangle his face like the car'.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

For those in the know (wink wink)

The real track names

1) Dialogue - Ghostbusters
Music - Shy FX feat UK Apache - 'Original Nuttah'

2) Black Grape - 'Sheikh your money'
Mystikal - 'Sheikh your arse'
Black Grape - 'Sheikh well before opening'
James Brown - 'Sex Machine'

3) Cliff Richard - 'Devil Woman'

4) Elvis Presley - 'Devil in disguise'

5) The Clash - 'Should I stay or should I go?'

6) Will Young - 'Leave Right now'

7) Mp3 downloaded of Sermon from The sheikh feat Congo Natty - 'Drop my beat'

Sunday, April 17, 2005

The Boot Selector

I was up early this morning, very early in fact - The Today Programme hadn't started, let alone Jonathon Ross, so I made the most of my inability to get back to sleep to execute a dawn raid on Splott Market. After a cracking cuppa (40p!! - I love it when people don't try to rip you off!) and a bacon roll, I wiped off my fingers and got down to business.

I was in the business of buying records, I had it it mind that as well as cherry-picking from boxes, If I found a box with a few decent records in I'd make an offer for the lot - and then try and bang a few records on eBay to recoup the cost. After I'd taken the good ones, sold the mediocre ones I could give whats left to charity and bin the damaged goods.

I fingered tentativly through my first box. Same old Same old - Those old Top of The Pops Albums with a scantily clad girl on the front, Stereo Sampler LPs and a few classical cuts until I clocked '1000 volts of Holt' for 50p - Bargain!

The next stall proved even more fruitful with some Billy Bragg LPs I didn't have, Althea and Donna's 'Uptown Top Ranking', 'Eye Level' on 7" - Kool and The Gang's 'Summer Madness' (unfortunatly scratched to fuck and basically unplayable - I need to get a decent copy before the weather picks up) and loads, loads more.

Then I realised something was wrong - In the first 3 or 4 stalls, not only had I managed to pick up about 15 decent records, I had also not seen a single Max Boyce record.

Absolutely unheard of - Perhaps Wales' Grand Slam triumph has caused a shortage? Back when Wales were shit you couldn't move for copies of 'Live at Treorchy Rugby Club'. I realise I should try and weasle out of a bet I made with a mate that I could easily get my hands on 100 copies of this album inside a year.





I quickly snaffled up two job lots on the way out - each had a few decent selections, and I figured that I could probably recoup my money by selling the old edition of Pink Floyd's 'The Wall' I had spied in one of the boxes.

The curse of Max boyce seemed to have been lifted, but the curse of Phil Collins is still well and truly with us, each box had a copy of 'Face Value' and 'No Jacket Required' - I wouldn't even give them to my own worst enemy, let alone expect anyone to pay for them. Not least for the fact they both have a close-up head shot of the balding vain tory twat on the cover. I toyed with the idea of putting them on eBay as air rifle targets, but settled for unceremoniously dumping them in the bin outside my house.


Take that Phil.

Other crushing dispointments were that 'Ragga Beat Reggae Heat' was scratched to fuck and some biro-happy idiot had scrawled 'Taped' on half the albums from one box. More often than not on the forehead of the cover star. I did however find a copy of The Timelords 'Doctorin' The Tardis' inside the sleve of S-Express's 'Theme from S-Express' - two classics for the price of one. Result!

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Lord Bute Plays Out!!

Yup, I made my DJ debut this week, in the Georgian Splendour of the City of Bath.
The St James Wine Vaults was playing host to a good mate of mine, who's taken it upon himself to cycle to Mongolia .

I was first on the Decks and spun mainly reggae 7"s, with a few forays into the world of reggae-based hip hop, entirely justifying the money I spent in Dubvendor last week. I found their April mail-out on my doormat when I got back to Cardiff, so best bang another order through I reckon.

I also hooked up with another old mate who's making live drum and bass in Bristol.

After the pub shut up for the night, the gear was carted up to a flat, where the party carried on, so I spun some more laid back older stuff about 4am. Bizzarely someone turned up with a trumpet and demanded Ska - I didn't have much, save for an old scratched 7" of Busters 'One Step Beyond' but that was good enough for a bit of trumpet karaoke. The party showed no sign of stopping when I left at 11am (although the trumpet had been dropped and was now sporting a rather large dent).

I'm well and truly up for playing out more often now. I'd love to spin a bit of pre-club (or ideally post-club!) reggae in a little pub/bar/cafe of an evening. I'll look into it.